ACRONYMS HAVE taken over our world. It is some dark insidious plot to discourage the use of the English language as we know it. We must do things ASAP or PDQ; we need to send a SASE with our application; we send information marked FYI; and Ann Landers tells people sometimes "you should MYOB". Some of the invitations I receive state to BYOB, and RSVP. Where are we going with this; maybe it's a ploy to save paper or ink? I'm wondering if my mother started the whole thing when I was told as a child to "dot your i's, cross your t's, and mind your p's and q's". All I learned from that was that something wasn't any of my business.

I attended a rural PS, went on to CHS, and WSTC. Then I also attended NU, PSC, and UNO. Does this all make sense? Later I taught at BHS. I was a member of NSEA, the PTA, and the OEA. When I retired. I became an AARP member, had my insurance with the AAA, and learned to enjoy my PC by IMing on AOL. My health insurance is BCBS, and the hospital of my choice is TCH. I am trying to learn how to use my VCR and my CD's, and now there are DVDs. I struggle with the crosswords in the TD, the USA Today, sometimes the NYT, and the FTU. My DOB and my SSN is on my picture I.D. I don't have an AKA, so far no DUI.. Mornings I work at the LCSO in Tallahassee, FL. as a VC( A sign on my door states that I am a Volunteer Coordinator). Actually, I work for VISTA which is Volunteers In Service to America. I live in the good old USA! Now, with all that just think how much ink, paper, and motion on the computer I have saved! On this computer which I have protected by using all these acronyms, I have an ROM; I have no idea what that means.

When I made my yearly trip to my MD, who is my GP, I underwent an EKG, an EEG, and an appointment was made for an MRI, followed by an upper GI. Now, for us folks who came through WWII, GI meant something entirely different. The GI's had an APO number, and some of them were PFCs. At the doctor's, an RN and an LPN took care of my every need, including the PT blood work. I did not need a CAT scan, I did not need to go to the ER, nor go into the ITU or the CCU. I did not have AIDS, nor was I HIV positive. I made sure I picked up all my receipts for the IRS, not to be confused with an IRA, and went home to my SOR( shabby old recliner) and my TV, and my TV dinner.

I watched CNN, and sometimes ABC, or NBC. Later I enjoyed some really good programs on PBS. Most of the programs informed me that they were CC for the hard of hearing. Some stated that they were rated TVPG. I can't ask my mother for permission to watch; she lived in the days when TV was UHO(Unheard of), and at the first four-lettered word she heard, she would have reached for the remote and it would be the FRITW (the fastest remote in the West).

We use initials for presidents, acronyms for the departments and all the projects. Companies have CEOs, who make sure they are not investigated by the FBI. All the departments of state have acronyms for their designation; there is the DOE, DLE, and the DMV. We need a dictionary of acronyms in order to find our way. I have come to the conclusion that the reason for some of these is that the users don't know how to spell, so the acronyms are a detour around the trouble.

Even the airlines, the sports announcers, and the recording markets use "spelling detours". They talk about ARR times and the ETO so you can guess when to pick up someone at the airport. The sports announcers report RBIs, ERAs, and TAB. Football has its share of shortcuts, also, as does boxing, tennis, and all the other games. Why not just use ETC for all, and save even more effort? Earlier in my lifetime, I listened to records marked 45 RPM. My old camera is an SLR, not a digital. My place of business is an EOE which assures everyone an equal opportunity to work there. When I go out to eat I sometimes have a BLT, with FF. When I need more cash, I use my ATM card.

Perhaps the greatest benefits to us if the use of acronyms replaced the language of the land as we now know it, would be during campaign years. A campaign speech could be shortened immensely by the use of acronyms, and it might be just as easy to interpret. In fact, it would take only a few minutes, a dozen or so gestures and facial expressions, applause, applause, and it would be over. We could rely on what we had heard just as much, and the body wouldn't have to endure such a long time in one position. Of course, would we know exactly where the candidate stood on the issues(do we ever know that)? It might be IPT (I promise to)get the economy moving, to PTOOE(pull troops out of Europe) so our boys could come home to us, and IPT leave SS alone so our senior citizens can stop worrying. We will strive to return trust to the office, because this is a government OTP, for TP, and by TP. Oh, yes, and then we could rise and give a standing ovation, and leave, not forgetting to leave our campaign donation in the BBTD( box by the door).

What if the Sunday sermon were in acronyms, the college class, the high school lesson, or the verdicts of the courts? How about reading the bedtime story to our children in acronyms? A children's poem could go like this: Jack and Jill WUTH, to fetch a POW. Jack fell down and BHC, and Jill came tumbling after. Somehow, I don't think it would gather the same interest, or have the same rhyming pleasure. When you kissed your child goodnight, you could say, "ILY, and don't forget to SYP".

Now, in this SLAA(stupid little article alone), we have saved a quarter of a page in printing, one ounce of ink, and some computer time. I guess acronyms are O.K. if one is in a limited subject so that the acronym can only stand for something within that area. Many people who are not bothered by AAADD (Age activated attention deficit disorder) as I am might get part of the gist of what the writer or the speaker is trying to say. Really, when you get to my age which is OTS (older than sin), WITW(what in the world) DIM(does it matter)? The SWCU(sun will come up) tomorrow just the same. MRA(My recliner awaits).