MY MOTHER HAD three of them. I have only one. I always thought according to all the jokes and comments I have heard that they are not supposed to like their mother-in-law. My mother's sons-in-law seemed never to have an unkind word to say for her. My son-in-law is a brilliant man, a great teacher, an ultra modern man, but he doesn't seem to know that he is not supposed to tolerate his mother-in-law, so gracefully. He doesn't seem to follow the "pattern.". It's like the children in school; they aren't supposed, according to pattern, to like the food in the cafeteria, or in modern times, even to like school.

There are many differences in thinking and in experience between that son-in-law and I. I grew up in a totally different experience than he did. My growing up was on a farm, his was in Atlanta. Of course, he is many years younger. His education was entirely different than mine. Of course, being from the vintage that I am, everybody's school was different. He is a teacher, and I was a teacher, but the two are similar only in the name. He teaches college. I began in rural school. He and his family could walk the lanes any place in this world and feel adequate. I know the way from my home to the various places that I need to frequent. I am not worldly-wise.

Still over and above all these differences, he seems to understand me and my ancient ways. We differ in favorite foods; I had never heard of grits until we came south. I grew up on meat and potatoes. He likes all kinds of exotic foods. I like omelet places to eat out, he likes more sophisticated places. I maintain that he has a bit of an accent, he says I pronounce some of my words like a Nebraskan. I believe he has a different political party than I, but we don't do the "proverbial" arguing over the elections. He is a fan of the Seminoles, and I am a "tried and true" Cornhusker fan. So many differences, but so what? Differences are only that, differences.

Barry and I share different religious holidays, but what difference does that make? He and my daughter have explained it all to the children, and everybody respects the other's opinions. Love and understanding circumvent any contrary beliefs. There needs to be no agitation when there is respect for the other person involved. Differences in beliefs, or tastes, or attitudes are really on the surface, they don't go to the heart.

My son-in-law Barry was there for me as I sat in the surgery room waiting to hear about my husband's condition. He was there to help me push the wheel chair with my husband up the ramp to enjoy watching my daughter perform on the stage. He had concern for me when my husband passed away, and wasn't afraid to show that compassion. He had a hug for me when my brother died. When my nephew passed away, and I didn't feel up to the funeral, either emotionally, or in travel, my son-in-law encouraged his wife, and my two grandchildren to go to Nebraska for the services. He was there for me a couple of times when I was sick. He's always to be counted on in any situation.

Barry and my daughter have reared the children to be understanding, considerate, and respectful to everyone, but they are especially nice to "the grandma". I am proud that they have traveled with the children quite extensively and exposed the children to the ways of other people and other situations. They can order from a menu any place and feel adequate. In comparison, I occasionally feel it necessary to ask my grandchildren for help in deciphering the menu.

Recently, the family spent some time in Spain. I marveled at how great it was that my grandchildren had the opportunity to see what was on the other side of the ocean; I, as a child, hardly knew what was on the other side of the grove. Now, that I've been up over the mountain and down the other side, I really have no desire to be an adventurer. Just living at my age is a real adventure. I like to watch the travel shows on the TV, while nestled in my old recliner.

With all the differences between my son-in-law and I, it would seem that the path to real understanding and caring would be laden with too many bumps and corners for us to reach a real compatibility. He is a person; I am a person. However, besides liking each other, we have a huge love for the same people: my daughter, and my two grandchildren. That is the real thing that makes it all possible. The bond between us is strong. Love is the true binder. Webster's New World Dictionary states that a son-in-law is the husband of one's daughter, but mine is much more than that. He is my friend.